I’m sure you’ve heard many stories about crazy airplane passengers. They range from humorous, disgusting, or just plain wacky. I would like to say I am a seasoned traveller and have been through some unordinary experiences that have been turned into funny stories to tell at the dinner table. I present to you my top comical airplane memories. 

The first memory was in 2010. We were taking a nonstop flight from Los Angeles to London. My mom and I are sitting next to each other in a two seater row. In front of us were these petite women, so we thought, ‘We aren’t going to have trouble with anyone leaning their chairs all the way back’… or so we thought. The flight attendant kept coming back and forth to the ladies in front of us supplying them with alcoholic drinks. In my mind I was like they are definitely ladies who lunch. A good five hours or so into the flight it was “dinner time”. I have just finished both my food and a movie and I’m waiting for my tray to be picked up and disposed of. I stare around the plane at the people, then out my window into the black abyss that’s apparently the “ocean”. Suddenly the woman who was sitting in front of my mom comes stumbling down the aisle, very tipsy may I add, and plops right into her seat reclining all the way back. When I say all the way I mean ALL THE WAY. What really ties this together was what she had placed in her hair. You would never guess. Her dirty and used fork, knife, AND spoon! The rest of the flight we were serenaded with her beautiful drunken sounds. The voice of an angel LOL, fortunately the wannabe Celine Dion fell into her dreaming state. My mom and I were dumbfounded at that moment, but always have a good laugh when retelling this gem. 

Now, to stay on the topic of chairs I have a good one for you. In 2016, my parents and I were on a flight from Barcelona to Paris. The airplane we were on was very very old. It still had the mini ashtrays on the sides of the seats. That should have been the first sign that this was going to be the flight from hell. The second sign was the two different wailing children. I mean screaming and crying at the top of their lungs. Yes, that can be a common occurrence on a flight. However, couple it with the third sign, a large Italian family that sat in front of us that would be the stars of the show. The children were yelling at each other in italian, the mom looked like she needed a Xanax, and the overweight dad that couldn’t be bothered. He sat right in front of my mom who by the way has major claustrophobia. This man, my oh my, he did not fit into his chair. When he was trying to get in between the arm rests the chair BROKE! Yes, it broke, and to top it off it broke right on top of my claustrophobic mom. He was pretty much in her lap and it was like she was cradling him. The wife could assume he was cheating because of the closeness of their proximity. His wife was trying to pretend she didn’t see it happen, so they did not have to move to the back of the plane. My mom tried to tell the flight attendant, but the chair could not be fixed. So, my mom had to “carry” him to Paris. Oh man, it was quite the dramatic flight, but what was expected to be from the looks of the chaotic italian family!

Before I start this next one I would like to give a warning that I will be talking about vomit, so read with caution and while not consuming food. The trip was in 2014, and my mom, brother, and I were on a flight from Rome to London. I was sitting at the window seat and directly right behind me was an old man in burgundy skinny jeans. The flight attendant’s gave everyone sketchy looking sandwiches during the flight. I accepted some type of bacon pesto sandwich, I overheard the man behind me get the same one. I look at it. I look at it some more. I tear a part of the packing. I poke at it. I take a whiff, and I inspect it more. ‘Nah’, I thought, ‘this looks jank”. Thank God I didn’t eat it because what happens next is vile. There was about less than an hour left of the flight and the worst thing possible happened. The old man behind me starts to vomit… yes vomit! I can hear every single wheeze and gag, I can smell all the things coming out of him… I just can’t. We had to pick up all of our bags because it was running under our chairs and almost touching our feet. DISGUSTING! I can barely even write this without wanting to curl into a ball and cry lol. When we finally landed my family ran out of that plane faster than Allyson Felix’s Olympic gold medal winning race. As we waited for our bags all I could think was ‘I’m so glad I didn’t eat that sandwich’. To this day the sound of that man, in his tight burgundy jeans, projectile vomiting onto the back of my seat haunts me in my dreams.

There are so many more airplane tales I could tell, but these are definitely the most memorable. Some people should just stay away from planes as they may be too drunk, obese, or prone to vomit with passion. I hope my flight trauma brought some humor to your day. Next time you’re on a flight and you see someone wearing red skinny jeans just get off and take the next plane.