My Worst Enemy… Apple Pie.

Thanksgiving is coming up and that means I will be facing my biggest enemy… Apple pie. Why is it apple pie specifically? Well it all started in sixth grade on pi day yes the 3.14159 etc. day. I was asked to bring a pie of my choosing to school on March 14. What I thought was going to be a day of fun and games, was actually a day of tears and congestion, yes congestion and you will know why in a minute. 

Lined up in my math class were dozens upon dozens of pies. Every flavor you could possibly imagine. During class we were eating pie and playing games, then… It was time for the pie eating contest. At first I was not planning on competing because I generally do not do well with sugar, but I thought why not give it a go. My math teacher pulled my name out of a hat, I grabbed a random pie, and the class went outside to watch the contest. 

The plot twist, may I say, of this contest was we couldn’t use our hands, so I was going face first into the pie. The pie that I ended up with was, you guess it apple. I am very competitive and I can eat, I mean EAT, so there was no way I wouldn’t take first place. I dug in and devoured that pan of diabetes not caring that my classmates are watching me go ham on this pie. 

Unfortunately, I got second place. The kid who got first had a less dense pie so he didn’t have to do a lot of chewing. I was not far behind though, I was one quarter of a slice from winning, but the worst has not happened yet. I went to the bathroom and my entire face was covered in pie, and a literal apple sliced up my nose. I tried breathing and the apple went straight up never to be seen again. I earned street cred for getting second, but consequences of smelling pie for a month were not worth it. 

I can not look at another pie without wanting to vom.com everywhere. I have not eaten apple pie since and I never will. That’s why every Thanksgiving I face my biggest enemy, Sir Apple Pie IV.